I met my hubby on an online dating site, we did’t quite hit it off after our first date but after some time we connected again and began dating. I fell for him so quickly he was just so different, he had everything and more that I was looking for in a man. No one had ever treated me so well, he literally swept me of my feet. After a couple months of dating I started to notice something different about my husband. He opened up to me about some of his childhood traumas, depression and anxiety that he had battled trough out his life. He explained to me about his diagnosis and some of the things he struggles with. I am sure he expected me to run away after that, but I didn’t. By then I had fallen in love with him and didn’t want to give up because of his mental illness. I still believe to this day God put him in my life for a reason, and he gave me this crazy, unfailing love for him that I had never felt for anyone else. It was so weird for me to not run away, I did the complete opposite and decided to love him trough this. Not even a month after this revelation on valentines day he decided to break up with me. He used a very silly thing and turned it into a huge ordeal and decided to finished the relationship, I was devastated. I don’t think I had ever cried so much for someone but I did. Three days went by without hearing from him, nothing made sense. He had been so good to me, took me on vacation, bought me things, treated me like a princess. I could not understand how someone could make someone feel so special and then let her go like it was nothing. By Sunday I was still crying trough my sleep, trying to make sense of this situation, then I decided to sent him the video for “Say something by A Great Big World” (Till this day I have a hard time listening to that song), it truly captured my feelings. He called back and apologized, said he missed me and wanted to see me…and my heart jumped :). We met the day after and he told me he loved me for the first time over pizza, and said he was trying to push me away because he was a mess. I told him no one had truly loved him trough this and I wanted to do it. We continued dating and things were so good! Our kids got along great, we did a lot of fun this together, we ate out in a lot of nice places, and I started going to church with him. This was just perfect for me I was in cloud nine:). Little by little I started to understand him more, and tried to give him space when he needed it. It really became a learning experience for me, I new this would be a roller coaster ride but I was ready to jump on. I loved him so much and wanted to spend my life with him. His mental illness was what you could call “under control” trough out this period (or at least it looked like it was). My husband is the kind of person that you would never even guess that has anything wrong with him. He is brilliant, has a masters, an executive position in his company, so well put together, beautiful kids, nice cars, motorcycles…you name it, he was the epitome of a successful man. On top of that he is such a gentleman, truly treated me like a princess, opened doors, planned surprises, pretty much everything I ever wanted in a man and he was mine! I hope trough this story you can all begin to understand why I fell in love with this man and why I would do anything for his happiness. I will continue this story in my next blog but for now let me just tell you two things I have learned:
1-Although you might think your love will fix him, it won’t. The only love that can fix anything is God’s love, it doesn’t matter how hard you try. That was my biggest misconception, thinking that my love was going to change his situation (not true).
2-If your loved one tells you about their mental illness, don’t criticize, judge, or try to make it better. They need someone that listens, that shows them compassion, and understanding. Even if you have no idea is better to not say anything and hug them, because saying the wrong thing can break their trust completely. Also educate yourself on their condition as much as you can, if you have never suffered from mental illness you will never begin to understand the darkness and loneliness. The best thing you can do is do some research and find support groups that can help you cope and understand.
Any questions, comments please email me :), and please remember I am not a professional writer and will make mistakes (corrections welcome).
Thank you for reading and God bless you all!